Clamshake

Halasan and the Golden Disc

2010-10-31T10:08:00.016Z

Halasan (the position)
Summer came and summer went by. Clamshake ferried people about town on a rickshaw cycle, and took a break from the word. As a member of the Halasan Bazar crew, Clamshake is now known as Henry the Rabbit. Not a name he is too fond of. It's a bit like going to the casting of the film Top Gun and becoming Goose instead of Maverick, Iceman, Viper or the Wolfman. But he will take his new moniker and serve the good ship the best he can.

No eyes
Contrary to popular belief, Henry the Rabbit's favourite yogasan is Shavasana also known as the Corpse Pose, and despite being listed as his literary preference, Henry has never got beyond the front cover of Alice in Wonderland. And what a cover it is.
Goose and Maverick
Autumn came and Henry the Rabbit focused his energies on audible frequencies. Armed with a ukulele, a bike bell, an egg shaker, a theramin, a xylophone and youtube, the Clamshake Bunny was tuned in to drop out, and layed down tracks soaked in LSD and Psilocybin. Here's what came out:

LSD
Psilocybin
He is now in the process of trying to persuade the crew aboard Halasan to recoordinate their bearings towards Voyager, where they can get their hands on that Golden Disc before it is in the paws of our nearest galactic neighbours. At this moment in time Voyager is hurtling away from our solar system with information from our very own planet. Misleading information. The disc contains the very fine 'Dark Was the Night' by Blind Willie Johnson, but has forgotten to recognise the King of Rock n' Roll amongst other blunders. It seems necessary that the Halasan project must risk their lives and limbs to get the album 'He Went Yoga Swimming and Never Came Back' onto that Golden disc. Will they ever come back remains to be seen, but first things first. Before take off they must play a couple of debut shows in Copenhagen. Earthlings, you are all invited to take your favourite tipple, drop a tab, drink your mushroom tea or just come as you are. You are all welcome!

5 November 2010 Mellemrummet Ravnsborggade 11, Copenhagen.
6 November 2010 Christiania´s Børnetheater Copenhagen.

Voyager's position, Halloween 2010

Fellow citizens of planet earth. It has also come to our attention that the mentioned spacecraft Voyager is also carrying visual evidence of life as we know it. Below is a picture of our species performing various daily activities. Is this how we want our race to be perceived by the Golden Disc discoverers? You be the judge.

Demonstration of licking, eating and drinking

Halasan (the sound)

On the Origins of Alligator Wrestling

2010-05-24T20:17:00.008Z

From the Clamshake diaries
It was not an unusual week. Clamshake wrestled with an alligator, out drank an Eskimo and beat a nun at the poker tables. But somehow there was still something missing. The lack of adventure, that restless feeling in the bones was getting to him. The opium in his morning tea tasted bitter, the ox milk on his cornflakes - sour, the mountain view from his cave retreat - an eyesore. Something was surely amiss. So what was left to do, but to make the trek back to the cabin in Hvidovre and get back to work.

From the time of giant lizards
Two moons had almost passed since his last date with the digital diary. Enough time to ponder the origin of the universe - it was created in a week by an incredulous supernatural force who magically conjured up the ingredients and put them together in a hotch potch fashion - in a little back alley of the universe a planet was given sufficient time to host giant lizards, sea monsters and beasts that could fly and swallow prey the size of a horse all at the same time. Following a natural disaster in the shape of a comet, the climate allowed another breed to thrive of which Clamshake is a common ancestor. This species created many things including toasters, pyjamas, sofas, pogo sticks and washing-up liquid just to name a few. None of this is important.

From the origins of the universe
Some contemplate the meaning of life, others what it means to be cool. This seems to be the sacred text of Ways to be Cool (if you trust google that is).

From Ways to be Cool
Clamshake agreed on:

facial hair, speaking European, psychrock, and learning the guitar.

Here are some that should have made the list:

tattoos, scars, big boots, retro hair.

Well that's it for now. Back to the cave in the mountains. Too much enlightenment can be dangerous.

Hog Time in Bergen

2010-04-04T18:32:00.006Z

After a sedate few weeks of nausea, fatigue and indifference, The Hogliners once again revived and put the fire back in Clamshake's belly.

It was after a sleepless night when the Hog boys met up with David Peter and the Wilde Sect at the airport to fly over fjords and valleys and land in Bergen. The Hogliners opened up the Back To Beat Festival with something noticeably different. Where was the Farfisa? What was the Farfisa player going to do? Due to unforeseen problems with an exploded organ speaker, Mathias took to the stage Farfisa-less but armed with a mouth organ, tambourine, voice and a shit load of energy. Somehow it worked, and the festival was kicked into gear with people starting to move their feet.

The Mighty Hogliners

David Peter aka Peter David to some, and his Wilde Sect were next up. The Wilde sect composed of: Mathias (again), Christian and Jacob aka Goose or Goose 2 to some. They shook up the room with a splintering set of beat frenzy, and had the party going through the night. Wilde by name Wilde by nature, Mathias had a Keith Moon moment and sprayed the hotel walls with beer whilst Mr Peter David had a nap. Fortunately he wasn't packing any dynamite so the toilets lived another day.

David Peter and the Wilde Sect
Saturday was home time and Clamshake still hasn't learnt his lesson. 3 nights of binge drinking leads to waking up at the wrong train stop as the sun tries to raise its fat head. Too much beer extinguishes the fire in the belly.

Clamshake's 2013 Campaign

2010-03-28T16:33:00.008Z

Coming to a planet near you in a couple of years
Clamshake is living the life of a Zen monk. Well without the shaved head, early morning meditations, rituals, cleanliness and other general materialistic renunciations: Internet, tv and a mobile phone, over-eating and binge drinking being the most obvious. To have avoided all of that sentence what should have been said is that Clamshake has been living the life of a hermit this weekend. Closed off from society in his Hvidovre retreat where the closest thing to meditation is phasing out with the eyes glued to screens from where images and sounds bombard the senses, sedating the body from wordly interactions. The mind is spoon fed information which has to be filtered in order not to taint the source of original thought.

Clamshake watched people obsessed with the Apocalyptic visions of 2012 talk their self deluded nonsense. As far as calendars go, Clamshake won't be following one that was made by an ancient culture who believed blood sacrifice kept the cosmos in balance. Apparently men, women and children alike were unprejudicedly stripped naked, painted blue then stretched out on a slab, held down by the priests and then stabbed just below the left breast. But it didn't end there. The victims beating heart was ripped out, the blood smeared onto the idol which was being worshipped. Once the body gave up the ghost it was thrown to priests of a lower order who went on to skin the poor bugger, except for the hands and feet. The skin was then worn by a total headcase of a priest who danced amongst the crowd. Just one more tale of religious barbarism. But hell, they were kind enough to make a calendar which people have interpretated to mean the end of the world will arrive in 2012.

unfortunately this one already made it to a cinema near you

The other nut jobs talked about solar flares and approaching planets despite a total lack of knowledge about solar sciences and astronomy. 2013 will probably be a big disappointment for these doom mongerers, just as 1999 was for the Nostradamus cult. But they won't admit defeat. Somewhere along the line they will claim the Mayan calendar has been miscalculated, and they will find fresh inspiration for the end days. Of course the end of the world as we know it and its preachers are as old as language itself. As far back as 2,800 BC an Assyrian clay tablet records these words: "Our earth is degenerate in these latter days. There are signs that the world is speedily coming to an end. Bribery and corruption are common." What's new baby? History is full of apocalypse and of course since the Bibles introduction to the world, the return of Christ has been a favourite amongst death wishers. The Jehovah’s Witness' predicted the end for 1914, 1918, 1920, 1925, 1941, 1975 and 1994. F**k me, and they still have followers. Oh, and by the way - Nostradamus was a pharmacist.

William Milners slightly flawed prediction of the apocalypse of 1843

So ladies and gentleman of planet earth, Clamshake says unto you, the end is nigh when it's nigh. Do your best until then. If you want to try and make a difference start at home. Don't leave your tap running, recycle what you can, don't buy vegetables that are placed on plastic trays within plastic wrappings, don't leave your electronic appliances on standby, don't drive cars, lorries, buses etc.., But most of all: Don't waste your breath on apocalypse.

Another not so interesting fact: 2013 will start on a Tuesday.

Clamshake's Curling Sickness Continues

2010-03-27T13:07:00.010Z

Deja vu has occurred this week in the shape and form of the Japanese ladies known as Team Aomori. Won 2 - Lost 9. It looks like a bad result but where it comes to looking good on the ice, once again they took the Gold.

Team Aomori have an average of 23½, an average height of 5'4". They wear black, saunter and slide over the surface in a manner reminiscent of figures that float from Italian Renaissance friezes. Only these figures are daintier and don't have big noses.

Clamshake had spent the best part of the of the last few weeks between his sofa and bed with aches, pains and constant nose water. Whilst viewing the Ford World Women's Curling Championship things were suddenly made worse when Clamshake clapped his eyes on the German skipper Andrea Schoepp. Jesus wept! and so did Clamshake. What a sight for sore eyes. Fortunately the beauty of Melanie Robillard balanced the team's appearance and even more fortunate was that the game finished early enough for the network to show the final two ends where Team Aomori defeated Norway.

Andrea Schoepp and Melanie Robillard (do I need to say which one is which?)

It's going to be a long time until the next curling championships. How will Clamshake pass the time?

Fortunately the Hogliners have a few dates to keep him occupied. Away they go to the land of curling rocks, fjords and mountains, kicking off their first date in Bergen on the 1st April followed by a date in Trondheim on the 10th.

Midweek Crisis

2010-02-28T21:15:00.008Z

The effects of detoxification, light depravation, and laundry day all on top of Team Aomori going out in the early stages of the curling championship hit Clamshake hard with what can only be called a midweek crisis.

The most tragic place on earth has got to be the launderette. Clamshake scoops up all of his clothes, towels and bedding every three weeks and makes the trek to the nearest launderomat. It is a fearful day spent under ultra violet strip tube florescent lights, blocks of silver / grey machinery, mis-matched colour schemes overcompensating the dull and drab nature of the task at hand. It takes about 40 minutes for the underpants, socks, towels and bedsheets to spin at ferocious speeds towards a cleaner existence. 40 minutes meditation a day can also lead to a cleaner state of mind. Depending on what you think about at the time.

A typical Clamshake meditation: Pick a point of light on a clear moonless night. If like him you focus on Hipparcos in Cassiopeia, then you are looking at a space which contains 16,000 light years of history. 16,000 light years from now could someone poke a telescope into my space time and join me on one of those laundry days? What a dreary thought.

To make up for the midweek crisis, Clamshake took to the stage with local self proclaimed legends The Hogliners on Thursday 25th of February 2010. They blazed through the shortest set they have ever played fueled by beer, un-nameable shots and poppy seed cakes which were a gift from Miss Kiss. Clamshake entered a world of psychedelia and mental mayhem and needed Friday to recover on a couch where he witnessed the Swedish ladies team claim a gold medal. From the same apparatus which transmitted the curling, he saw an advert which depicted a shaved man shaving.

The Hogliners at Drone, February 25th 2010

The rest did him well, and once again it was Hog Time. This time in Christiania's Loppen. Another free bar, another hangover. Dancing into the early hours, the memory fades like the smoke trail from the Pusher Street bong.

3 more days until midweek, 2½ weeks until laundry day.

Clamshake: The Musings of a Madman

2010-02-20T22:02:00.005Z

If suddenly you find yourself reading the words of an approaching middle aged wreck who lusts for Japanese curling captains, money for nothing, easy days basking in warm waters being spoon fed grapes by mermaids then surely you should ask yourself. Do I have time enough in this life to waste on these musings?

Clamshake is not a drink. Clamshake is a way of life. It is an empire, a temple of depravity. Clamshake was a band, and the drummer continues to use the name as an alter-ego in a world where suited monkeys push buttons, where others on spiritual quests believe they have something called a soul. Clamshake can't disprove them but he can insist that as a creature on a lower plane (planet earth), the only pursuit worth it's weight, is the pursuit of the good life. The planet shifts and shakes beneath our feet. Volcanoes are spewing islands as you lay under your bed sheets. Days drift by and many live like there is always tomorrow. Clamshake is no exception. Today Clamshake has spent 80% of his time hungover on a sofa in a place known as Hvidøvre where the Clam cave gathers dust and memories.

Yesterday was different. After a morning trying to get to grips with some basic Japanese words, Clamshake took to the studio. Not the sound studio but the crash pit where he stashes all of his paints, crayons and necessary tools of the trade of remaining an eternal child. After an epiphany, a metre long piece of brown crumpled paper which arrived wrapped around a glockenspiel with dead notes was crucified to a board, and Clamshake set to it with a work known simply as: Self Portrait as Death Wearing Make-up. Signed with the moniker ｸﾗﾑｼｪｸ this work is destined for the skip that is emptied by men that are never seen, only heard. Born out of madness, lost to the trash. The following never to be exhibited works are in the pipeline:

#1: Self Portrait of Clamshake 13 months younger on the back of a horse, smoking a cigar with a Spanish girl.

#2: Self Portrait of the day Clamshake and his sister made the snow fall speed up.

#3: Self Portrait watching the universe unfold from a spongy textured bowling green.

#4: Self Portrait masturbating in the backyard during a total eclipse.

Dear Reader,
The realisation of madness is an awakening, a rebirth. Can we go on living in this sanitised, self imposed cage of sanity? Of course we can...

So these pages are to vent my spleen, clean the corridors of my mind, share a word, a vision, a sound or two with you the dear reader. For those of you curious enough: This is what Clamshake the band were about

http://www.myspace.com/theclamshake

and here's the link to the latest band The Hogliners:

http://www.myspace.com/thehogliners

Until the next time, if there is one...

The Hogliners

2010-02-20T22:01:00.005Z

Mathias of The Wilde Sect put Craig onto the new Norwegian in town whilst sat drinking in Club Mau Mau. After introductions to the song smith, Fredrik was keen to get things rolling. Songs were sent through the airwaves and it was clear we had found a writer who swam through the murky waters of melancholy, upstream to the clear source of the upbeat essence of pure rock n' roll. With the Wilde Sect in town, Mathias dragged Mr David Peter into the fray. David brought his four string action along with his Chelsea boots and garage swagger. Mathias jumped from the drums to the Farfisa, squealing and ringing out his mental melodies leaving space for Craig to abuse what musicians call time signatures.

In the crossfire between howling garage mayhem and velvet harmonies come The Hogliners. With a lethal mix of squeaky farfisa-organ, jangly guitars and a hard thumping beat, their original compositions balance between the manically bizarre to the most pop-sensationally peppermintish. Based in Copenhagen, but with members from Norway, England and Denmark the Hogs aim at redefining and rediscovering the wonders of the 60's teen garage thang, digging for the mysteries of the past, but looking to the sun, harmonizing softly about madness, death and the inner flights of the soul. On their way they scramble up all the booze and trash every chair they can get their hands on..

The Hogliners bust out of the speakers like a Pollock painting jumped off the canvas six years before he flew through the windscreen. The Hogliners put into sound what a starving street fighting drunken Bukowski put on the page from his rooming house typewriter.

Members of the Hogliners

Fredrik Eckhoff:
The Norwegian leader of the pack. Guitars and vocals. Fredrik is the poet whose muse resides amongst murderers, hobos, and embalmers. Not only a singer songwriter and a twanger of the six stringed instrument, Fredrik has perfected the culinary art of baking bread, and his recipes are a highly guarded secret. Outside of the kitchen, Fredrik is haunted daily by visions and melodies that beg to be shared amongst the populace of planet earth.

David Peter Jørgensen:
Local lad David takes care of the bass and backing vocals. David Peter is also the leader of rhythm and blues and teen beat favourites David Peter and The Wilde Sect and he plays in The Skalliwags with Mathias. David brings his four string action along with his Chelsea boots and garage swagger, and we all like to watch his fingers when he plays his bass at super-light-speed, breaking the sound waves with his mighty rumble.

http://www.myspace.com/dpthewildesect

Mathias Hoeg:
Mathias the Farfisa grinder, juggles between tambourines, shakers, bells and glockenspiels. Also the drummer in David Peter and The Wilde Sect and The Skalliwags. Was the band leader of Phantom Pillow, and played in The Spectrals. Mathias is the mystique and moody element in the group, known for tossing his antique farfisa-organ around the stage.

Craig Martin Wood (Clamshake):http://www.myspace.com/theclamshake
From England's North West coast, plays sticks and drums. Before leaving the UK, Craig could be found at the drum stool of Blackpool's West Coast Go-sound surf / lounge combo: The Delmars. After a stint in Barcelona, he found himself in Copenhagen where he formed Rockabilly / Surf instrumentalist Clamshake. Mathias put Craig onto the new Norwegian in town, and the rest is Hogliners history.

Genre:
Garage
Folk Rock
Psych
Farfisa fuelled beat combo.

Some influences: Captain Beefheart & the Magic Band, The Byrds, Velvet Underground, The Monks, Love, The Remains, The Deep, 13th Floor Elevators.

Check them out here
http://www.myspace.com/thehogliners

or make friends with them on facebook
The Hogliners Facebook Page